For most of my life I struggled making decisions. Even some of the little ones I'd second guess myself, consider what bad outcomes might happen, overthink it and just generally spend a lot of time thinking about what to do.

When it came to bigger decisions, oh boy, these would weigh heavy on my shoulders and life. I'd often have sleepless nights and spend a lot of time trying to figure out the 'right' answer.

Even when I had made a choice, that often wasn't the end of the suffering, I'd go into monitoring mode to try and know whether I'd made a good choice or not.

It was exhausting and really annoying - I so wanted to be one of those more laid back people who could just go through life with a sense of ease and grace - that was anything but my experience. I was just so crippled by the fear of making bad choices.

Which is why I would research a LOT, make multiple pros vs cons lists, make plans, make contingency plans and spend a lot of time trying to figure out what to do - anything but light and breezy!

Unsurprisingly this approach didn't lead to making many decisions that felt right to me. They were very much based on whatever logic made sense at the time. Often I would find myself thinking "why did I decide that" or "what made me think that was a good idea" or "I knew I shouldn't have done that" or "my gut knew that wasn't the right choice".

Perhaps you can relate?

REMOVING THE SUFFERING FROM MAKING DECISIONS

That's all changed now. How?

I went on a journey of uncovering and exploring the unconscious beliefs that were leading me to suffer so much around making decisions.

As I went on this journey I started to notice numerous unconscious beliefs I had about decision making such as:

1. This Decision Is Really Important (like really really important)
2. If I Get This Wrong Bad Things Will Happen
3. There Is A Right & Wrong Answer Here
4. I Can Accurately Predict The Future / I Know Which Outcomes Are Good & Bad
5. If I Spend Enough Time On This I Will Come Up With The Right Answer

Maybe some of these resonate with you? Perhaps you've got some of your own beliefs about decision making that didn't make my list?

(if you want help uncovering your unconscious beliefs take my free quiz here)

As I explored these beliefs I started asking are they true? Are they helpful? As I did I had numerous insights that came up which started to help me see through these beliefs. Each of the following insights relate to the corresponding belief in the list above.

#1 - It's Not As Important As You're Making Out - I started to see how these decisions only looked important because of the meaning I was giving them. I believed that decisions like choosing a house or a career would have more impact on my life than for example which train I got on. However, I considered that perhaps I get on a train there is a person who changes your life far more than any choice about a house or career. I started to get curious about why certain decisions look more important and how ultimately we can never know how important a decision is until well after it is made (if at all). This helped me start to see that it was me who placed the importance on these decisions and added the pressure to 'get it right' when in reality I had no clue whether this was an important decision or not.

#2 - Whatever Happens You Will Figure It Out - ultimately the reason I used to worry about making decisions so much because I was scared of something bad happening. I started to notice how things would regularly go different to what I expected or wanted, importantly I saw how I was able to manage and cope with situations that I might not want to happen. It was this idea that I can be OK whatever happens that helped me stop needing to worry about bad things happening so much.

#3 - Trust Your Inner Knowing, Wisdom, Gut Instinct & Intuition - I started to see it's not about making the right decision. After all what might have looked like the right decision today could easily become the wrong one tomorrow and vice versa. This helped me see that there wasn’t really a right or wrong answer, instead the better thing to do was just follow what felt right in the moment for me (and know that's all I could ever do).

#4 - Trying To Predict The Future Is Pointless - I came to see how I wasn't actually very good at predicting the future and just how unpredictable tomorrow is let alone situations further down the line. I started to see that spending so much time on trying to figure out what might happen and decide what would be good or bad was not a good use of my time.

#5 - Follow What Feels Right For YOU - I  started to see that the right path is one that simply feels right for you. If you need help with knowing what feels right try this… ask someone to make the decision for you, then stay quiet and see what feelings come up. Do you hope they give you a certain decision? When they do give you an answer, how do you feel about it? Your gut reaction will be a great indicator of what you really want to do.

Over a period of time as I explored these beliefs (as a reflective practice AND in the real world) they started to change, become less charged and many just fell away - and with it went so much of the struggling, agonising over decisions and losing so much of my days to this endless ruminating.

I increasingly became able to just make choices as and when needed.

I increasingly just knew what to do and had less on the choices that I made.

It was like the big pressure cooker of making decisions just wasn't there anymore.

What a relief this was.

Does this mean I never research or spend time considering what to do in a situation? No. I do those things at times, but it's different - it comes from an energy of knowing to do them rather than being scared into doing them.

You might be reading all this going, OK great, what do I need to do next then?

Here's a couple of next steps I suggest...

#1 - Notice Your Thoughts & Experience Around Decision Making - just start to be more aware of the thoughts, ideas and behaviours going on.

#2 - Based On What You Notice, Get Curious What Unconscious Beliefs You Have - like I did, see what beliefs might be driving your worrying around decision making.

And if you'd like more support and help on your journey I have a couple free options for you...

• How To Stop Overthinking & Endlessly Worrying Workshop
• Discover Your Overthinking & Worrying Profile

Take care,

Paul