For most of my life I was a worrier.

This led to a lot of overthinking, endlessly planning and trying to control things.

I spent a lot of time up in my head - trying to avoid bad things happening.

I spent a lot of time living in fear - expecting bad things to happen.

I catastrophised a lot (I'd often worry that somehow I'd end up in jail)

As a child I was scared of the dark, had separation anxiety, feared failure, had toilet anxiety, felt like an imposter and found ways to cope with the seemingly odd world.

And I coped pretty well. I learned to hide my 'odd' behaviours like playing with labels. I learned how to act happy. I planned as much of my life as I could.

All this while trying to be normal, fit in and be happy. And I got pretty good at it, but life was a lot of thinking, a lot of effort and never really quite the experience that I felt it could be.

As I grew up none of this changed - I just got really good at coping, numbing and avoiding discomfort.

I started my own business at 25 - whilst it was my dream it also put all my overthinking, worrying and living fear to another level.

The money worries, stress, pressure and need to succeed just made things worse. I doubled down on my coping mechanisms and started trying any and all self help strategies to be a success and enjoy life.

Some of those strategies helped a bit - but the effects never lasted. I was in a loop of coping, numbing and suffering which was getting worse and worse.

I just thought I was getting life wrong, I must be missing something and or perhaps I was just a bit broken somehow.

From the stress and years of chronic overthinking I developed physical symptoms such as a lump in my throat, feeling sick and hungry at the same time, eye twitches, rashes and full ears.

The worrying developed into severe anxiety, panic attacks and OCD.

The future looked more and more scary. All my planning was at best a plaster that gave me just enough relief that if bad things happened I'd be OK.

I numbed my way through so many parts of the day; endlessly working, comfort eating and zoning out to TV.

I was exhausted, burnt out and depressed.

I was checking out of life, avoiding social situations and even the ones I went to I wasn't really present or able to enjoy them.

I was a shadow of my former self, I felt like a failure and while all of this was going on I kept it a secret as I just felt like I couldn't tell anyone.

All this took it's toll and in 2017 my life imploded.

My wife told me I don't love you anymore and we separated - I left Xmas eve 2017 to stay with family. I was in major debt and sofa surfing.

I spent a couple years just feeling lost.

I would hit rock bottom...

Asking my mum if I could spend the last £20 in my bank account on food.

Crying down the phone to a coach saying I don't know who I am.

Working 15 hours a day.

I was in pure survival mode.

I was losing hope.

WAS.

I was those things.

I am not anymore.

Skip forward to 2024 and I am the happiest I ever have been - living the life I always wanted.

My day to day life is so much more peaceful, enjoyable and full of possibilities.

Do I still worry at times? Yes.

Do I still overthink some things? Yes.

And yet, overthinking and worrying are no longer things that stop me from increasingly enjoying and embracing life.

All my physical symptoms went within 18 months.

The morning anxiety, panic attacks and living in fear are just gone from my life.

Social anxiety, endless planning, living in fear all the time, fear of being found out and so much more all gone!

Through self awareness & exploration combined with understanding the human experience my life completely changed (it's a transformation I describe as going from Anxious to Effortless).

And that's what I'm now helping others do in my work.

I'll be sharing lots more about how I experienced this transformation, what worked, what didn't and much more in the coming months.

For this post, I just wanted to let anyone struggling with overthinking and worrying know that your life really can change.

You don't need to just cope with life.

You're not stuck constantly worrying or overthinking.

Life really can be so much more enjoyable & peaceful.

And I'll be sharing how with you.

Paul