OK, so you're currently worrying lots - and you'd very much love to live daily life without the constant worrying, overthinking and endless planning right?

That's what this post is going to help you with. What I share below are three thought experiments I invite you to use to explore your beliefs around worrying. 

All you need to do is read each one and then explore what comes up for you. There are no right or wrong answers, just see where the ideas and questions take you.

Q1. DO YOU REALLY KNOW IF ANY SITUATION IS GOOD OR BAD?

There is an old Chinese story that I want you to consider.

Imagine you run a farm and one day your son comes home saying he found a stray horse. All your friends say what good turn of events it is for you. You say, maybe. The next day your son goes out to feed the horse and is kicked - which leaves his leg broken. All your friends say what a bad turn of events it is for you. You say, maybe. The following day the local militia come along conscripting all 18-30 year olds for military service, they don't take your son because of his broken leg. Your friends say what a good turn of events it is for you. You say... maybe.

What I saw from this story was that while I might think I know what future situations and outcomes are good or bad, I never really know. For example... I had a dream job I missed out on which really upset me only for an even better one to come along the following month (bad becomes good). I worked really hard to sign a dream client only for them to not pay their bills and leave me struggling to pay mine (good becomes bad).

From this I started to notice just how much time I spent trying to predict the future, trying to think about what might come to pass and planning what I'd do for any of the outcomes that looked problematic. As I became more aware of this constant assessment of the future I started to play further thought experiments. I'd play with the idea of how that bad situation might turn good and vice versa - just to point out that I don't know what is good or bad.

As this exploration unfolded what I found was my firm belief that I knew what was good or bad started to dissolve more and more. It's not that I didn't still have preferences over what happened, I just became less attached to them - because on some level I was conscious that as I've seen in my life I really don't know what is good or bad.

That's it for the first thought experiment, here's a few things to explore...

• Notice how much you time you spend trying to predict the future & get curious how good you are at it...
• What situations in your own life have gone from bad to good or vice versa?
• What if when you have thoughts about situations that make them look good or bad you could just say, maybe...

Q2. WOULD YOU PLAN HOW TO CROSS A ROAD BEFORE YOU EVEN GET TO IT?

This thought experiment was one I heard transformational John El-Mokadem share numerous times (it's one of my favourites!).

Imagine you know there's a busy road you need to cross. Would you plan how to cross it before you get there? Or would you just get to the road, assess the situation and then figure out what to do?

What I saw from this was a very quick answer of you cross the road when you get there - I couldn't help but laugh as I answered. The laugh came because in an instant I saw that I'd been trying to cross lots of roads by endlessly planning and thinking about them in advance.

In our daily lives we have a lot of 'roads to cross' (situations). In many of those situation we do just as John suggested, we take them in our stride and cross navigate them when we get there. For some though, it really doesn't look possible to do that. They seem more important and or the consequences of not getting it right look really scary.

It's these situation that look scary that we worry about - typically because we've looked into the future and imagined some scenario that we wouldn't want to happen or don't believe we could cope with. And so because of this imagined danger (which is real to our brains, it doesn't know any different) our brain decides we need to think about it and plan for it (because that will reduce the uncertainty, which is what our brains are always trying to do do).

What this thought experiment opened me up to was, what if we don't have to endlessly plan and think about future situations. What if we really can more and more show up in the moment and see what it makes sense to do then. I wondered how much more effortless life could be if I didn't need to endlessly plan or worry about 'crossing roads'.

Play John's thought experiment out and see what comes up for you. Here's a few things you might want to explore...

• How much of your planning is trying to cross the road before you get there?
• What situations in your life are you able to just cross the road when you get there? Why can't you do this for the situations you're worrying about endlessly?
• How would life feel if you were able to live more and more in this way of crossing a road when you get there?

Q3. WOULD YOU WANT TO KNOW YOUR FUTURE IF YOU COULD?

OK, final thought experiment for you to consider. This one came to me back in 2020 and combined with the above two really had a big impact on all my worrying, overthinking, catastrophising and living in the future.

Imagine if we could have a conversation where I was able to tell you exactly how the rest of your life would unfold. I'm talking about the highs the lows, the best days to come and when you'd die.

Would you want me to tell you everything that happens? (I can tell you everything or nothing).

I sat with that question for quite a while, I'd go back and forth on it. On the one hand if I knew everything that would happen in my life I could stop worrying - because I'd know what happens so no longer need to worry about it. On the other hand though I had this niggling voice saying "it would be like watching a repeat" and "it wouldn't be as exciting".

Ultimately while I really wanted to know, so I could stop worrying about all those uncertain situations I had - my answer would be no, I do NOT want to know what happens. I started to see that it just wouldn't be as exciting, knowing what happens would mean that I don't get to experience the incredible parts of my story because I'd know they were coming.

Seeing this challenged my belief that not knowing was a problem. After all, I just said that my life would be better by not knowing what happens.  This led me to the possibility that perhaps not knowing and uncertainty could be an important part of creating an amazing experience of life. I slowly (emphasis on the word slowly) started to see that that I didn’t need to avoid all uncertainty nor did I need to be scared of the unknown. As I did I found myself worrying and catastrophising less about the future.

That's the final thought experiment, here's a few things for you to explore...

• Would you want to know your future if could?
• Is not knowing what will happen always a problem or scary?

SEE WORRYING FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE

The purpose of these thought experiments is to get you noticing and questioning the beliefs that lead you to believe it makes sense to worry so much.

For example - if we believe that the future is scary & we need to plan to avoid bad things happen - it makes total sense for you to spend lots of time worrying about the future and planning what you'll do in certain scenarios.

Rather than trying to get you to calm down or say unhelpful things like just don't worry about it - what we're doing in this post is getting you to explore and question those beliefs. Is the future inherently scary? Will lots of planning avoid bad things happening? Do we even know what is good or bad?

By asking these questions we open new doors to seeing things differently - as this happens how it then makes sense for you to show up in life shifts as well.

In this post I've shared some of the beliefs I had, see what comes up for you, it might be something completely different - the key is uncovering your unconscious beliefs and exploring them.

What I'd suggest is go back through the thought experiments above and see which one stood out for you. Then as you go about your day just ponder it, get curious about it and see what comes up for you.

If you have any questions or comments please do email me via [email protected] 

Paul

Want More Help? If you'd like support to explore the ideas in the post more please take a look at my Think Less, Live More Course or One to One Sessions.