For over 15 years, I struggled with anxiety, worrying and overthinking. I tried everything - breathing techniques, coping strategies, avoiding triggers, thinking positively and endless mindset shifts - all in an attempt to get rid of it. But the more I fought against anxiety, the stronger it seemed to become.

I wanted my life back, desperately. Anxiety wasn’t just an occasional inconvenience for me - it was my constant companion. Most of my life felt like a never-ending cycle of worry, planning, monitoring and avoiding things that might trigger me.

Then there were the occasional panic attacks, bouts of depression, obsessive-compulsive behaviors, physical symptoms and stress. And, of course, the exhausting effort of trying to hide all this from everyone.

So when I say I wanted to get rid of my anxiety, I truly meant it. I assumed that I would finally be okay once I had fixed the ‘problem’ of anxiety. By fixed, I meant completely getting rid of it - or, at the very least, managing it enough so I could function in the world like everyone else.

The Endless Search For An Anxiety Fix

And so that’s what I set out to do. I Googled everything, read blogs, listened to podcasts, bought books, took courses and got coaching. If there was a personal development tool that promised relief, I tried it.

This meant changing my habits, monitoring my behaviors, avoiding certain situations, changing my routines, saying affirmations, tapping, following morning rituals and surrounding myself with different people. I planned meticulously, avoided triggers, controlled my environment and used every technique I could find.

The result? Some short-term benefits, sure. But mostly, I was left exhausted, frustrated and disappointed. The constant monitoring, avoiding, catching thoughts and implementing little routines just to function in daily life - it was draining and frankly not a lot of fun.

I was stuck in a loop: trying one strategy, feeling temporary relief, then watching it fade, leading me to search for another. And another. And another.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you can relate. This cycle is all too common for so many people I speak with.

Then one day, a simple but powerful question hit me:

Do I really want to spend the rest of my life managing and coping with anxiety?

My instant answer? No. Absolutely not. I wanted to be free.

But at the time, I didn’t see any other way.

A New Perspective: Freedom WITH Anxiety

At the end of 2019, things began to shift. I started working behind the scenes for a transformational coach, John El-Mokadem. His approach wasn’t about techniques or strategies. Instead, he had conversations with people that helped them see anxiety from an entirely new perspective.

One of the key things I saw from my time working for John was that I didn't need to get rid of anxiety to go live my life, I just needed to see it differently.

This was very different from everything I had learned up to that point. I had always seen anxiety as a problem that needed fixing. But I started to see that perhaps anxiety wasn't the enemy. That in fact fighting it so much only made things worse.

At first, this made no sense. Why would I want to live with anxiety? If I had the choice, surely I’d get rid of it, right?

And yet, having fought and tried to get rid of it for so long, I was open to trying a different approach.

As I look back this was one of many assumptions and misunderstandings I had around anxiety that were keeping me stuck. I was in a loop of trying to fix a problem that wasn't in fact a problem in the first place, how I was seeing it was.

My old approach was like trying to push open a door that is in fact a pull - no matter how hard I tried, I was getting nowhere.

As I explored this different way of viewing anxiety I started to resist it less, I quickly saw how a lot of my struggle came from fighting against it and try to never feel anxious.

I started questioning everything I had believed about anxiety:

I used to think anxiety was something I shouldn’t be experiencing. That it was wrong. But I began to see that anxiety, fear and worry are normal human experiences. I didn’t need to eliminate them to be okay, I needed to understand and learn to navigate them better.

I used to think I was just an anxious person. That it was part of who I was. But I saw that my thoughts are not who I am. Thoughts come and go like clouds in the sky. I wasn’t born anxious - I was simply a human being experiencing anxious thoughts.

I used to think my anxiety was caused by the outside world. Situations, people, challenges. But I realized that if two people could experience the same situation in completely different ways, then the situation itself couldn’t be the cause of anxiety.

I used to think I would finally be okay once I got rid of anxiety. But I began to see that I was already okay, even with anxious moments. Anxiety didn’t have the power to define my well-being.

Change Through Insight, Not Effort

I combined this approach of seeing anxiety differently with awareness practices, practical experiments and journaling to explore anxiety rather than try 'fix' it or myself.

Very quickly, my daily experience of life began to change.

Anxiety stopped looking like an enemy to defeat and more like an experience to understand. The all consuming nature of it started to fade and the power it had over me loosened.

I stopped planning my life around avoiding anxiety. I stopped managing, controlling and fighting it. And as a result I started to see tangible shifts.

• I worried less. I planned less. I trusted myself more.
• Panic attacks became far less frequent.
• Obsessive behaviors began to fade.
• My physical symptoms, like eye twitching and tension, subsided.

And all of this happened without me trying to make it happen - nor did I need to do anything to keep these changes.

These changes were real and lasting - and the more I continued with this process the less I struggled with anxiety. Within 12 months all my physical symptoms had gone, I'd moved into my own house for the first time, no more panic attacks, started waking up without morning anxiety and felt like I was getting my life back on track.

I even opened up and shared about my struggles publicly. I started to trust myself, make big choices for myself and stopped living in fear all the time.

What makes this even more amazing is that it happened in 2020, during a global pandemic! I often smile at the fact that at a time when there was so much fear and uncertainty - I became less anxious, stopped living in fear and found so much more peace and freedom than ever before.

What annoys me though, is that what actually helped me was quite simple. With some guidance, direction and support this thing that had been affecting me for so long completely changed.

Which is why I do the work I do now as an Anxiety Guide. I want to help people like yourself create deep lasting change in your life. Because you're not stuck fighting anxiety for the rest of your life - the life you want is possible.

If you’ve spent years trying to control your thoughts, manage your anxiety, or push away worry, maybe it’s time to try something different...

If something in this has resonated for you and you'd like support exploring this approach click here to learning more about my 1:1 Anxious To Effortless programme.

Take care,

Paul