As a child, I was a worrier - scared of the dark, anxious about being away from loved ones, afraid of failure. I felt very unsure of myself and life full of dangers - so I found ways to cope.

I learned to hide my 'odd' behaviours like playing with labels. I learned how to act happy. I found ways to feel more safe by planning, thinking about the future and trying never to make mistakes.

As I grew from a child into a teenager, things got incrementally worse. I got better at coping, numbing and avoiding discomfort. I became skilled at appearing easygoing while keeping my struggles hidden. I didn’t want anyone to see how much effort it took to hold it all together.

I was riddled with self doubt, constantly on edge for fear of being found out, always trying to fit in, experiencing toilet anxiety, endless planning, trying to do everything right and although my external world looked OK, internally it was a daily struggle.

By university, I was an olympic level worrier - meticulously planning, overthinking and fearing I'd be found out as an imposter. I had back up plans for my back up plans, logic led the way and each day was about trying to enjoy life but more importantly getting through unscathed.

And despite all that going on, I was functioning and able to live a pretty normal life. The thing was, I wasn’t truly enjoying life. I was on the sidelines, hoping not to get picked in case the shit really hit the fan.

At 25, I chose to start my own business as a freelance marketer. The increased uncertainty, stress, financial pressure and need to succeed only amplified my struggles with anxiety. I lived in constant fear of bad things happening, doubted almost every decision I made and certainly wasn't living the whole entrepreneurial dream. 

It was around this time that I found the self help world - it seemed to promise that if I just worked hard enough and implemented some strategies I would be a success and enjoy my life. Some of those strategies helped a bit - but the effects never lasted. I was in a loop of coping, numbing and suffering which was getting worse and worse.

I just thought I was getting life wrong. I believed I must be missing something or perhaps I was just a bit broken somehow.

From the years of living like this I developed physical symptoms such as a lump in my throat, feeling sick and hungry at the same time, eye twitches, rashes and full ears. The worrying also developed into severe anxiety, panic attacks and OCD.

Life itself looked like this thing I needed to control and the future just looked full of scary situations. All my planning was at best a plaster that gave me just enough relief that if bad things happened I'd be OK.

I numbed my way through so many parts of the day; endlessly working, comfort eating and zoning out to TV. 

I was exhausted, burnt out and depressed.

I was checking out of life and my relationship. I was avoiding social situations and the ones I went to I wasn't really present or able to enjoy them.

I hid my struggles from everyone, desperate to try and 'fix' myself before someone found out. The more I hid, the more I had to worry about and try to control.

I was a shadow of my former self, deeply depressed and felt like a failure.

All this took its toll and in 2017 my life imploded...

My wife came home one Sunday and told me "I don't love you anymore" and within a few months we separated - I left Christmas eve 2017 to stay with family.

I spent the next couple of years just feeling lost. I worked 12-14 hour days to escape from life, whilst projecting an amazing digital nomad type lifestyle on Instagram.

I reached a breaking point. There were moments that I’ll never forget...

• Asking my mum if I could spend the last £20 in my bank account on food.
• Crying my eyes out to a trainee coach saying "I don't know who I am"
• Telling a friend "I can't listen to my heart, it's broken".

I was in pure survival mode.

I was losing hope.

WAS.

I was those things.

I am not anymore.

Skip forward to 2025 and I am the happiest I ever have been - living the life I always wanted. My day to day life is so much more peaceful, enjoyable and full of possibilities.

Do I still worry at times? Yes.

Do I still overthink some things? Yes.

Do I still have 'off' days? Yes.

And yet, so much of what I once struggled with just isn't an issue like it was. I'm so much more able to deal with the inevitable ups and downs in life.

What changed? What made this transformation possible? 

In short, inner work. Which I describe as unpacking your assumptions about yourself and life.

Our behaviours come from these assumptions - some conscious, some not. For example, if you believe uncertainty is dangerous, it makes sense to overthink and plan obsessively. But what if that assumption isn't true?

Through inner work you can start to question and clear those assumptions about life. You can start to programme in new assumptions, ones consciously chosen that feel helpful to you.

This process didn't happen overnight. It wasn't always easy. And it has without a doubt been the most important journey I've been on.

I didn't just learn to overcome anxiety or stop overthinking or worry less - I learned how to connect to a deep sense of aliveness within me, enjoy life more and go out and create the life I'd always wanted.

This journey led me to help others who feel stuck in the same cycles I once did. I know how exhausting it is, and I also know it doesn’t have to be this way.

You're not broken. You're not stuck. And you do NOT have to keep coping or managing anxiety. You can get back on with your life, enjoy the things you're doing AND so much more. Your life doesn't have to be limited. Take a moment to imagine - what would life feel like if worry, fear, and self-doubt weren’t weighing you down?

If any of this resonates with you - if you find yourself stuck in cycles of overthinking, worry or self-doubt - and you'd like support exploring your inner world I'd love to hear from you. Drop me an email at [email protected] and share a little about where you're at. 

Remember - there is hope and your life really can change. 

Take care,

Paul